A Little Help From A Friend
by EmeraldGuardian7
Summary: [Oneshot] Parody! Humor! Harry is called to Dumbledore's office to find out that Draco Malfoy is a Veela and Harry is supposedly his mate? This Harry isn't going to go along with it though. He has a plan and goes to get help from a knowledgeable friend. No Slash.
_**A/N:**_ _I was having a conversation with the guys on Dark Lord Potter in the Harry/Fleur thread about how Soul Bonds have ruined a lot of good fics out there. We later moved onto the topic of the numerous amount of horrible stories out there where Draco suddenly finds out that he is a male Veela. He finds out his mate is Harry and if they don't bond soon he will die. Every time I see this I feel like I want to scrub out the inside of my brain. Here is my take as a Oneshot on a parody of this situation where Harry doesn't accept the situation and gets help from a knowledgeable source. I also hope no gets offended by this. I have nothing against slash fics, they're just not my cup of tea. Leave me a review and let me know what you think._ _ **Warning:**_ _some bad language later._

Harry was riding the moving staircase up to Dumbledore's office. Professor McGonagall had found him at breakfast to inform him that the Headmaster wanted to see him and she had given him the passphrase. He was pretty sure it had to do with the Tri-Wizard Tournament, seeing as third task was soon approaching. He was hoping Dumbledore had figured out who had entered his name into the Goblet in the first place.

Stopping at the end of their journey, Harry stepped off the stairs onto the fixed ledge and knocked on the door. "Come in Harry," came the wizened tone from the ancient wizard.

He strode in confidently, having been in the office enough times now not to be distracted by all the odd trinkets and portraits. However he froze a few steps in as he was met by an unexpected sight. He had sinking feeling in his gut that this meeting wasn't going to go as well as he had hoped. Standing beside Professor Dumbledore was the sneering form of Professor Snape and sitting in front of the desk, was the last person he wanted to see, Draco Malfoy. Oddly, Malfoy had whipped around the moment he'd entered the room and was eyeing him with a strange hungry gleam in his eye. Harry didn't like this one bit.

"What are they doing here?" Harry winced at his own tone, but couldn't help it. Being in the same room as these two always put him on edge.

"Disrespectful little bra-"

"Enough Severus," Dumbledore cautioned. "Professor Snape and young Mr. Malfoy are here today because of a remarkable feat of magic. As you may know, today is Mr. Malfoy's fifteenth birthday."

"Err- ok. Then why am I here?" He felt that he was missing something and this whole situation was unnerving. He'd seen Malfoy slowly inching his way closer to him in his chair, causing him to the same in the opposite direction.

"Well, I'm not sure if you know, but many Wizards and Witches come into their dormant magical abilities on their fifteenth birthday. It turns out that Mr. Malfoy is in fact a male Veela!"

Harry's mind immediately wandered to the gorgeous Bulgarian cheerleaders from the Quidditch world cup or even the way Fleur had looked in her bathing suit during the second task, then glancing over at Draco he had to hide his snort with a cough. "Well… congratulations… Malfoy."

"You can call me Draco if you want," the blond boy purred.

"Err- right." Turning to the headmaster, "So why am I here again."

"Well the thing about Veela, is that once they have found their soul mate, they are bonded for life. You and Draco are soul mates Harry."

Harry just stared at the old man, trying to process what he had just said, and then he couldn't help it anymore, started to laugh. Harry was sure that the old man must have laced his lemon drops with something and eaten one to many. "You've got to be kidding me? Malfoy a Veela? And you expect me to bond, or whatever you call it, with him?" He got in while trying to regain his breath.

"Listen here you arrogant little wretch! My student, for Merlin knows why, has bonded with you of all people! You must complete the bond soon or he will go insane and most likely die!" Snape sneered.

Harry sat there stunned before standing up, "Fuck this! And fuck you! There's no way I'm taking part in this!"

He began to head for the door when it magically slammed shut before he could reach it. Turning around, he was just in time to catch Dumbledore stowing his wand. "Harry my boy! Don't be hasty! I have to say I'm disappointed. I thought you would jump at the chance to save a fellow students life."

Harry couldn't believe him, "So what? Are you two just going to force me into this? For merlin's sake, I'm not even into guys!"

Meanwhile Snape was idly twirling his wand as if itching for the excuse to curse him, "We'll do what we have to, to ensure that you complete your duties."

"I would never force you my boy… I'm just here to… convince you to take the correct path. It's imperative to keep my students safe. If you don't follow through, Draco may lose his life or even worse fall prey to the dark arts. It's for the greater good you see! And don't you worry about those other problems. You may not be interested now," the aging Headmaster winked at this point, "but once the bond is finalized it will take care of all that for you."

Harry threw up a little bit in his mouth, but forced himself to nod. He pretended to stare absent mindedly into the distance as he tried to figure a way out of this situation. He was actually surprised that Malfoy had not spoken more during the meeting. Glancing over at him, something he'd subconsciously avoided doing since he'd realized he was in the room, he noticed he was still staring at him, and had unfortunately began licking his lips in anticipation. Shuddering, Harry turned back to the two professors. Suddenly, he knew who he had to talk to! His first problem was getting out of this office though. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

"I understand Headmaster. Even though Mal—errr… Draco and I have never gotten along well, I can't just let him die-"

"Excellent! Excellent! I knew you would make the right choice my boy!"

"The only thing is. This has all been a great big shock. Can I just go for a short walk, I won't be gone more than half an hour. I just need to wrap my head around this." He tried his hardest to look as innocent as possible, but from his track record with Professor McGonagall, he knew that usually just made you look guiltier.

"Don't think you can fool us boy! No you can't go for a walk. We are going to do this righ-"

"Now now Severus… it has been a big revelation for the lad. He said he'll go through with it and young Draco will last a little longer. We shouldn't see any side effects for a couple days anyway." Turning back to Harry. "Yes you may go but be back soon. We want to get this whole situation behind us."

Harry couldn't believe his ears! His plan had worked. He realized that the old man really must be starting to go senile. Remembering himself he responded, "Thank you professor. I promise I'll be back soon." Then Harry fled the room as if the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels.

Hurrying down to the Entrance Hall, Harry was happy to see just the person he was looking for. "Fleur! FLEUR!" He shouted through the mass of people, seeing the girl in question stop, and wait for him to reach her.

"'ello 'Arry. 'Ow are you doing?" Glancing up at her, Harry realized that his earlier momentary musings did not do her justice. Her golden hair flowing down back, perfectly proportioned features and full red lips were enough to drive any man mad, even without her allure. He'd devoted a lot of time to ignoring her beauty at the beginning of the year as he didn't like seeing the way Ron and the other boys lost all coherence when she was nearby. He was happy he did as she seemed to talk to him more often now, after the second task.

"Not that great actually. I was wondering… err… you're a Veela right?" Harry didn't even see her move and thus was not expecting her hand to be connecting with his face. SMACK! Looking back, Harry was pretty sure that everyone in the hall had stopped to watch this train wreck happen.

Shaking his head to clear the stars in his vision, Harry finally noticed Fleur striding quickly of the hall. He gave chase, "Wait! Fleur! Wait please! I promise that I didn't mean whatever you thought I was going to say. I just needed to ask you a question!"

She finally stopped where she was and waited for him to catch up though still sporting a guarded expression. "Ok.. well you see…" Harry felt nervous now, trying to figure out what to say. 'I have this problem… it… it's really hard… well… I just need your help." She arched her eyebrow. Realizing how that had sounded he blushed. "That's not what I meant! I was asking if you were a Veela because… well… do you know Draco Malfoy? He's in Slytherin. My year. Blond haired prat. Really annoying. Thinks he's Merlin's gift to wizards. Big blood purist."

"Oui. I believe I 'ave 'ad the displeasure of making 'is acquaintance."

"Anyway, I got pulled into the headmasters office today because their claiming that Malfoy is some male Veela who just discovered his ancestry on his fifteenth birthday."

"What?" Fleur interrupted. "Z'ere is no such z'ing as a male Veela!"

"That's what I thought but I didn't know for sure. But it doesn't end there. They claim that all Veela have a 'soul mate' who they must track down. Once they do, they must bond or the Veela will go crazy. They are claiming I am Malfoy's soul mate and are going to force me to bond with him."

"Zis is a joke, no?" At Harry's shake of the head she swore. "Your 'eadmaster is crazy! Veela are naturally drawn to some, 'oo are compatible." Fleur glanced back at Harry's face as she said this before continuing her pacing. He filed that knowledge away to be examined later.

"But zere is no such zing as a soul mate or soul bond. We are sexual beings and Veela 'ave been known to sometimes 'ave relations with ozzer Veela but zis would never be driven by our instinct. Zat is all about finding a suitable partner to furzzur the Veela race. Even if zere were such zing as a male Veela, zere instinct would tell zis Malfoy, to mate wizz ze first female 'e found to sire an 'eir not anozzer wizard."

"So what do I do Fleur? They pretty much said they were going to force me to bond with him!"

"Don't worry! I will not let that 'appen. Take me to your 'eadmaster. I will make sure zis stops."

So off they went, Harry led Fleur back through the passages he'd taken several times this morning until they reached the gargoyle. He gave the password, wincing at having to utter the obnoxiously named sweet in front of Fleur.

"What kind of school requires a password to visit the 'eadmaster? What if you need to visit 'im and don't know it? You agree, no?"

"Ya. I had to visit him once earlier this year and stood out here yelling random sweets for several minutes." Fleur looked at him oddly. "He always uses some kind of candy for his password." She rolled her eyes.

Once again, climbing the moving staircase they reached the top and knocked. It swung open on its own. "Ah, just in time Harry. I was… oh and Ms Delacour as well. How can I help you?" Dumbledore smiled politely but Harry thought he detected a trace of annoyance at the delay.

Glancing over at Malfoy in disgust, she announced, "Zis boy is no Veela. Zere is not even such a zing as a male Veela. What are you doing in here?"

"I assure you Ms. Delacour that male Veela do exist. The proof is right in front of you?"

"Proof? What proof? All I see is a leetle boy with a strange fixation on 'Arry."

"What do you know of all this girl? It's a nice attempt on Potter's part, to organize this show, but you can leave now."

"What do I know? I am a Veela, you imbecile!"

Draco stood and spoke for the first time since Fleur arrived, surprisingly back to his old demeanour, "I am a pure bred male Veela. The first in centuries! What would you know of it? You are only a quarter Veela. Your lineage is tainted."

Fleur visibly bristled and Harry was worried she was about to start sprouting feathers like he'd seen at the World Cup. However, he wouldn't mind if she threw a few fireballs at the other occupants of the room. "Vous êtes tous vraiment stupides! Zere is no such zing as a male Veela! I am also a full Veela! Zat was just a rumour going around ze school, and you would know zis is true if you knew anyzing about Veela. You are eizzer born Veela or not Veela. Zere is no such zing as a part Veela. Zere is no such zing as a soul bond as well!"

"Im sorry but I think I will have to ask you to leave now Ms. Delacour. We have important matters to discuss with Mr. Potter." Dumbledore added firmly completely ignoring Fleur's rant.

"I am not leaving 'Arry 'ere with you. 'e will be coming wizz me."

"Now listen here! The headmaster asked you to leave! What we discuss with Potter is none of your business!" Snape was flushed and breathing heavy. Harry was impressed, even he hadn't been able to get him this upset before. Either that or he was feeling the effects of Fleur's allure but Harry wasn't sure that he possessed any feelings like that other than disgust and contempt.

"Fine!" Harry's heart sunk momentarily before he heard what she had to say next. "I am sure zat my fazzure, ze French representative on ze ICW, would love to 'ere how you are trying to force a wizard, 'Arry Potter no less, to illegally bond to anozzer wizard. 'e would probably be very interested." Both wizards paled dramatically. Malfoy was back to staring at Harry.

Fleur continued when neither of them spoke, "I zought so. Come 'Arry. I never properly zanked you for saving my sister." She grabbed his hand and smirked, "I can show you what it is like to be wizz a real Veela if you would like?"

Harry nodded and allowed her to pull him from the room in a daze. The door shut behind them.

"Nooooooooo! Harry!" Draco Malfoy promptly fainted and fell out of the chair.

Snape nudged him with his foot, "He's fine. Just unconscious."

Turning to Fawkes the Headmaster spoke, "Take Mr. Malfoy to Poppy for me and give her this note so she knows to give him a pepper up potion. Now Severus, would you care for a lemon drop?"

"No! For the millionth time Albus I don't want one! Now, what are we going to do with this problem?"

"Well you don't have to be so rude! To which problem are referring?" He asked absent mindedly plopping another one of his sickeningly sweet yellow candies into his mouth.

"What are we going to do about Draco being a Veela? He'll go insane without Potter."

"What are you talking about Severus?" His eyes were glazed over from his wonderful treat. "You know there's no such thing as a male Veela." The resulting banging came from Snape's head impacting the wall repeatedly. "Fawkes!"

THE END


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